Happiness and sorrow

I have laughed so hard that I've cried before, and I have cried tears of happiness, and I have also cried so hard over everything that I once lost that I started to laugh - while saying "This isn't funny, this isn't funny, this isn't funny".
But yesterday I laughed so hard about something hilarious that I cried tears of sorrow. I think...Maybe... Well I haven't come in touch with the feelings about a family member's recent death. I haven't felt anything at all, just chock and emptiness. Maybe by getting in touch with those extreme feelings of happiness I also got in touch of some of the sad feelings.
I don't know, but it felt very strange. Even stranger than that time when I cried so hard that I started to laugh. At that time I had lost my boyfriend, my home, school f-d up and I couldn't get in to the class that I had applied for. And on top of that my ex tried to take my cat. I wanted to die and felt like I had nothing(I know now that it wasn't so), but then I felt that I had nothing so I cried until I started to laugh.

I don't know what happened now. Maybe I felt guilty that I even could laugh the day after I received the news. The laughs had nothing to do with that. I can't believe that he's dead so I can't feel it...yet. I want to feel it but not right now.

The five stages of grief:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance