Paranoid birdtalker

I just talked to a good friend of mine, and maybe I shouldn't write this, but I'm gonna do it anyways. I am paranoid so I'm gonna think that he will read this, even if he don't.

Earlier today he asked if I could talk to him later this evening and I said yes. But during the day I thought of many different reasons to why he wanted to talk - like he doesn't want me to be his friend anymore, he doesn't want me to come and visit or maybe I just can't come visit for other reasons. I mostly(or only) thought of negative things he would say to me. It's partially because I feel depressed now about everything that is happening around me, but it's also because I am paranoid. Usually, when I feel better, I can tell myself that all the negative things I believe will happen, probably wont happen and I can find a thousand different positive things instead.
Like when I friend don't answer a text I first think "She hates me" but then I can stop and think "She can't hear the phone, she's busy, she left her phone at home" and so on. But when I'm sad and defeated like I am now everything feels like shit and I can't pick myself up even if I brought myself down.


On a less depressive note. I told him about how I talk to birds and that I feel like I HAVE TO feed them or they'll get sad. And when I was younger I thought they could read my mind so I could tell them to follow me home if they wanted some bread. I also try the same technique on insects caught on buses. Through my mind I tell them to land on me and I will get them out of there...And no, it never works.


Also. The phone call was just a normal phone call, nothing negative at all.
Second also - I can't believe I could spell "technique" without help, but I misspelled "buses" (busses).

I should try to sleep now.